Jokes Adult English Jokes

[alone_leo82]

• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
• "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
• "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
• How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
• A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."
• What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
• What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
• How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
• "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
• What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
• What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!"
• What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
• What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
• What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
• What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
• How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

[yarker]

• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
• "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
• "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
• How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
• A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."
• What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
• What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
• How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
• "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
• What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
• What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!"
• What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
• What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
• What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
• What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
• How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

nice and funny

[Haris1234]

• What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."
• "Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.
• "I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."
• How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
• A woman walks out of the bathroom, winks at her husband, and says, "I shaved down there; you know what that means." The husband responds, "Yeah, the drain is clogged."
• What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
• What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? "If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."
• How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same, but you get to use the remote.
• "I'd rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth," the woman told her dentist. He replied, "Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair."
• What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
• What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave? "Thanks for coming!"
• What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
• What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A Lickalotopus.
• What did the leper say to the sex worker? "Keep the tip."
• What do tofu and dildos have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
• How is playing bridge similar to sex? If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.

Nice start
very funny